► Month 5 with the Alfa Romeo Stelvio
► We’re not a fan of its locking noises
► Read month 4 here
The lock and unlock beeps the Stelvio emits are the central locking equivalent of Dom Joly’s classic ‘I’M ON THE PHONE’ routine, and it’s driving me beeping mad.
I’M LOCKED! it yells to my neighbours when I try to slink in at 1am. NOW I’M UN- LOCKED AGAIN BECAUSE HE FORGOT HIS PHONE! NOW I’M LOCKED AGAIN!
I get that some owners find the beeps reassuring, but it’d be nice to have the option to turn them off. And why are they so loud? There’s no menu setting that silences the din (one long beep for unlock, two for lock) but Google tells me it could be fixed with a proper workshop code-reading device.
Logbook – Alfa Romeo Stelvio Quadrifoglio (month 5)
Price: £87,195 (£90,745 as tested)
Performance: 2891cc V6, 513bhp, 3.8 sec 0-62mph, 177mph top speed
Efficiency: 23.9mpg (official), 20.3mpg (tested), 267g/km CO₂
Energy cost: 34.0p per mile
Miles this month: 298
Total miles: 8697