► Life with our VW Golf R
► It’s been stolen!
► Ben Barry tells a sorry tale
The Golf R has been attracting the wrong kind of attention. I was still running it in when a valet parking service had custody of it during a family holiday. When we returned, fuzzy after a 10-hour flight, something was obviously wrong, as if the brakes were seized.
Two minutes later we were on the M25 and the whole car was shuddering at 50mph, cars whizzing past. My wife called the parking company to say, ‘hey, like, WTF?’ (she’s American), and later I emailed their complaints department; they asked for the engineer’s report.
VW discovered that the bolt connecting the lower gearbox support to the subframe was missing. They’d never seen anything like it, and could only surmise – but not prove – it was down to heavy abuse, which is hard to achieve below 3000rpm during your first 600 miles… We sent the info to the parking peeps, but they have yet to reply, despite nudges to offer their side of the story before publication (that offer remains open, by the way, if they fancy responding).
Worse was to come for the Golf, allowing the errant valets to get away with just 200 words of my ire in this issue. On a recent Sunday I went to retrieve my keys. Not there. Weird. Not in pockets either. Weirder. Long search ensued. And, erm, the Golf wasn’t outside. I calmly thought through every scenario bar theft – surely I’d left the car in town… – then it dawned that someone had been in our house as we slept, pinched the keys, and driven away. Awful feeling.
Twitter to the rescue
I called the police and the VW press office (sorry ’bout that on your Sunday, folks), then hit Twitter. The police soon arrived, followed by CID, and the house was dusted for prints. Trying to explain why this is happening to two little kids without alarming them is quite tricky.
There wasn’t a lot to go on, but it was notable that the crooks had been light-footed as well as fingered: we didn’t know we’d been done over when we first got downstairs, and only the open kitchen door – usually shut to prevent wandering cats – was odd. Interesting, though, that they’d found the keys in the cutlery drawer. Plod thought this very random, CID less so. Suffice to say, literate crims, we don’t keep keys there now.
CID said they’d drive around to see if the Golf was parked somewhere. Like me, you’re probably thinking this is madness, but no: if you nick a car, lock it away and a Tracker locates it, you’re going to jail. So the crims park up and leave. If the car’s there later, they’ll return, probably switch the plates, and do whatever they do.
I got a call later that day to say cameras had captured the Golf convoying into Peterborough with a stolen Mondeo at 5.04am. Makes sense: you’d nick a car on a summer weekend after taxis stop transporting drunks, and before sunrise, so they were probably in my kitchen 4-4.30am.
By this point we realised my wife’s handbag had been snatched, which contained her tablet (access to Amazon etc), cards, our house keys and our BMW keys, which was, thankfully, still outside. That’s when you realise you’ve got more on your plate than ‘just’ a stolen car: it was £200 to change the front-door lock, BMW quoted £800 to change locks and replace keys, and then all the calls. Oh, and the kids’ Recaros were still Isofix’d in the Golf. Ball. Ache.
By now my Twitter timeline had gone berserk, so thanks to all those who chipped in with retweets. I spent the day scrolling through my phone and clearing a room’s worth of stuff from the garage so we could hide our remaining car.
Then, amazingly – amazingly! – someone who’d been following the whole affair emailed me with the Golf’s location. They’d called the police, and soon after they were guarding my car. I didn’t have a spare key, so the Golf had to be hoisted on a truck and taken 40 minutes into deepest Lincolnshire. But I was unbelievably happy to know it was coming back.
It was set to be dusted for prints the next day before being released, so I went along and saw ‘my’ gorgeous Golf R sitting jewel-like among stolen motorbikes and a Subaru Forester that appeared to have been dragged through a field by a tractor, its interior littered with water bottles to hydrate the drugged-up occupants. The Golf was covered in that silvery dust to check for fingerprints, but other than a kerbed alloy, it was just as I’d parked it. Seat in the same position for 6ft 1in me, too. Tall chap, are you?
I just had to get my elimination fingerprints done – though not the wife or kids, not sure how that works… – and get the £150 release fee dealt with and the Golf could hit the road.
Because of my job, I’m incredibly lucky that I don’t face further hassle: VW’s press office has taken the car back and will change the locks and supply new keys, otherwise I’d have two cars at my address that bad people can just drive away.
At the time of writing, I’m still without the Golf R, but excited about getting it back. Arrests? Not yet…
From the driving seat
+ Agile handling, fast-acting awd
– Leon 280 shares engine but has more lowdown kick; both engines could rev higher
+ Quick, precise steering
+ Gearshift slick…
– …but Leon’s slicker
+ Supple ride on adaptive dampers
Logbook: Volkswagen Golf R
Engine: 1984cc 16v turbocharged four-cylinder, 296bhp @ 5500rpm, 280lb ft @ 1800rpm
Gearbox: 6-speed manual, all-wheel drive
Stats: 5.3sec 0-62mph, 155mph, 39.8mpg, 165g/km
Price: £31,475
As tested: £35,640
Miles this month: 817
Total (miles): 2760
Our mpg: 28.2
Official mpg: 39.8
Fuel this month: £153.62
Extra costs (this month): £150 (release fee from impound)